my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
