watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My balls are so social today.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
