either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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