So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
