I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
