No, drunk sperm still make babies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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