Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
