I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
