You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
