Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
