I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
