Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
