I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
