mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
