no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
