Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
