just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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