I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tell me about the eggs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
