I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
