Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
