Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
