remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
