this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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