there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
