i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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