looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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