i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
