I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
