He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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