I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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