proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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