We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
