I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
