Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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