omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
