That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think my vagina is haunted
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
