oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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