Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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