why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
