Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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