there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
