I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
