Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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