why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
