if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
