I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well you can't waste a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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