we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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