I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love having hate sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
