I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've blown a few things in my day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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