dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
