I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would punch a child for taco bell
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
